My Hero

by Deborah GatesI

From a very early age, I knew my son was special. Now I know every mother feels that way, but not only did I see it, but all those around him, family and friends, everyone would remark about how sweet, kind and loving my son was, and so happy all the time. He laughed often and cried very little.

As he was growing up he loved to dress up, dance, sing, and perform. Making everyone laugh and smile was his favorite thing to do. He chose to play with dolls instead of toy guns. I can recall one day my son coming in from playing with the neighborhood children and saying he didn’t like to play with the boys in the neighborhood because they wanted to play army and pretend to hurt and kill each other. He told me that he didn’t like to play that way and didn’t think that it was fun at all. My son just didn’t understand why someone would want to hurt someone else even if it was just playing.

I would watch him sometimes singing and skipping down the sidewalk as if he hadn’t a care in the world. That’s my son, so full of love and happiness in his heart. He was always so kind and loving with no cares in the world.

I can’t say that it never entered my mind that my son might be gay, but I knew that it never would change the love I have for him. He was young, so I never really tried to analyze or question his ways. It just didn’t matter.

As he entered middle school, his friends consisted of mainly girls, nice girls, fun girls, and he was a happy boy. Then as they entered high school, things started to change. The girls that he was friends with started liking boys, and I guess their relationships and the things they used to enjoy together as friends changed.

I noticed a change each year in my son. Things seem to have been getting harder for him. He was losing interest in school and was not so self-assured or carefree as he used to be. He kept to himself and complained about being lonely.

He attended the prom in his junior year with such a beautiful girl. They looked so perfect together, like Barbie and Ken. He knew I liked her so much, and she and I talked often. Looking back on this, I think going to the prom and dating her in some way was for my sake, maybe for his high school friends as well.

Not wanting to break her heart, and tired of keeping his true feeling inside, he came out to her and then to me I believe on the same day. I remember well the night he told me. He just came out and said, “Mom, please don’t hate me or get mad at me, but I don’t like girls. I like boys. I am gay.”

I must admit, my first reaction was not good. I just looked at him and started to cry. He ran upstairs to his room. I sat there alone for a second and thought, “How dare you! This is not about your feelings, it’s about his,” and ran upstairs after him.

I went to his room and hugged him and told him it was okay….imagine me, or anyone for that matter, telling someone that it was okay to be gay, as if they needed permission! Of course it’s okay, just as it is okay to be straight. It’s okay to be yourself, whoever that might be.

I was sad knowing there would be struggles and life might not so easy for him and people would not be as accepting. He has proven that he is strong, and although he does face the challenges, he’s very open and honest about who he is. He has taught me a lot about being who you are no matter what others may say or do.

My son is my hero. He’s still that sweet loving child in my heart, but has matured to a wonderful, kind, sweet, loving young man who knows who he is and is not afraid of being himself. I am at peace, knowing that he is strong enough to face any challenge that may come his way, and that he is not afraid of being himself, and what a wonderful person he is. My hero, my son.