Why I Am Thankful for Alex
by Louisa Jaggar

So many times in my life, I have wanted to be a hero. Infinite scenarios have played themselves out in my mind. I thought I would possibly save children from a burning building or rescue someone from drowning (that presented the problem of bad hair but i was willing to make the sacrifice). Yet, no opportunities presented themselves.

And then my daughter Alex came out in high school. She was scared and afraid and acting as if she wasn't. Though I knew she was afraid, I could also see in her a determination not to lose a sense of who she really was-- she always was Alex. Alex rightfully says she is Alex first and foremost, the fact she is a lesbian does not define her as a person. Still, in a homophobic world, this is often easier said than done.

I learned that heroism is often a day to day act of being truthful about who you are when "who you are' means you will not have equal rights

 I learned that being a hero is often about standing in your own truth and not allowing others to deny you or anyone else the right to be your authentic self.

Alex went to school and spoke out about the fact she was gay. What I loved the most was that she went in expecting people to accept her and most did.
 
Then Alex ran for Mr. Whittier (homecoming king) at her college and won. She received many threats. Of course I was the last to know. She acted like she was having a great time but she carried mace with her. She was terrified. She could have missed classes--the administration had said they would understand. She went to each and every class (her attendance level rose considerably).
 
Knowing people wanted to harm her, she still made a point of being seen and not allowing others’ prejudice to stop her. This is a hero.

Because my daughter was a hero, I became one too. No saving children from burning buildings it is true but I did throw a crazed father out of my house when he threatened me with bodily harm because my daughter was gay.

When I told my daughter I loved her unconditionally, I actually was given the opportunity to prove it. How great is that?
 
I do open my door to young people in need and lend them a shoulder when they need it. I did and do tell people my daughter is gay if the occasion arises and I do it with pride.

I march with PFLAG and stop and hug crying daughters and sons whose parents possibly rejected them or possibly never knew--sons and daughters who ranged from 14 to 65. I have become a member of one of the most important civil rights movements of our time. I was too young to march with Martin Luther King but I am not too young to march now.

My daughter has given me many gifts and allowed me to see the world as I never saw it before. Maybe it is not always beautiful but it is more real and vibrant and the beautiful moments are more special as a result.

Before Alex came out, my world was only partially lit by truth. After she came out, I discovered a world of people living under the radar, hoping their families or their bosses don't find out. When a child faces a parent and says I'm gay, they face enormous danger of rejection and then self loathing. It is the job of PFLAG to help parents and families stay together. To become heroes for each other.
 
What better gift can a child give a parent than allowing that parent to be a real hero? There is no better gift. Someone ask me recently if I could would I wave a wand and make Alex straight? No. For selfish reasons. I always wanted to be a hero. Also, I love Alex for who she is and that includes her sexual orientation. Yes, she is my hero. Why would I think of changing her?