Oh, how my impression of PFLAG has changed! My wife, Betty, and I attended our first PFLAG meeting in the fall of 1992. At the time, we did not know that our son was gay, but we suspected. We wanted to be prepared to relate to our son if and when it turned out that he was indeed gay. Most places where I inquired (churches, mental health groups) did not seem to offer the help that we needed. Then someone mentioned PFLAG. What on earth is a PFLAG? I thought maybe it was a traditional flag — something that hangs somewhere! Much to my surprise I was told it was a support group for parents and friends of lesbians and gays.

I called the PFLAG hotline. I was very nervous. This very pleasant person (Paulette Goodman) took my call. I told her that I thought my son was gay and that the prospect bothered me, and that I wanted to share my concerns with someone. She told me that I was not alone and that there are many parents and friends that have the same concerns and feelings and she invited me to the next PFLAG meeting.

Betty and I went to Bethesda on the appointed Sunday, arriving twenty minutes early. While waiting in our vehicle, we had negative thoughts. What would the PFLAG members be like? Would they be weird? We wondered what kind of a church would allow a group that supports gays to use their building. We had convinced ourselves that we would have nothing in common with "those people." We also felt that we must have failed as parents if our son turned out to be gay. Despite Paulette's assurances that we would not be alone in our concerns and feelings, we were very hesitant to leave the security of our vehicle. We sat and sat trying our best to comfort each other. Finally, after twenty minutes, we got up enough courage to go into the church.

When we arrived, the meeting had not yet started. Some people were standing around talking. Others were setting up refreshments or placing books and articles on a table. Equally important was what I didn't see. No one looked weird or engaged in objectionable behavior. "Gee," Betty and I exclaimed to each other, "these people look normal!!"

We were greeted very warmly by Paulette Goodman. She and the few others that we spoke with before the meeting started were so gracious. We relaxed to some degree. My nervousness quickly reappeared when the meeting began and I had to introduce myself (following the lead of those who spoke before me). However, no one made any negative judgements about Betty and me. Everyone was very understanding. This was in marked contrast to my own attitude—I recalled my suspicions about PFLAG and this Unitarian Church while waiting outside in the car!

After my brief introductory remarks, I tried to hide behind the woodwork hoping not to be called upon again. That hope was not to be! We were told that this large group would break up into several discussion groups. "Oh my," or words to that effect, I exclaimed to Betty.

We went into separate groups which made me even more nervous. When my turn came, I made my brief remarks. In an obviously loving and accepting way the small group made no judgements about me any more than Paulette and the people in the large group had. No one even intimated that we had failed as parents. In contrast to this accepting attitude, mine was still—THEM (PFLAG) versus US (Betty and me); I still felt that I did not belong there.

One PFLAG meeting became two, then three, and now close to 30. My attitude has changed dramatically. PFLAG is no longer an organization of "them." PFLAG is now Betty and me and a large number of like-minded individuals. We are singing off the same sheet (us PFLAGgers)—albeit some of us in different keys, now and then. PFLAGgers are now our friends. Now we wouldn't miss a PFLAG meeting. Now we set our personal schedule so that we can attend regularly.

How our times and attitudes have been modified! Thank God for PFLAG and thanks to PFLAGgers for just being their loving selves. All PFLAGgers set a nice standard of behavior for Betty and me to emulate. We thank our new friends. Wouldn't the world be a better place to live if there were more of us with the healthy PFLAG attitude?

Note: For the few who don't know — Paulette Goodman is the founder of our local chapter and served as President of the National organization from 1988- 1992. I have heard from many, both on the national and local level, that there might not even be a PFLAG today were it not for Paulette and Leo Goodman.